It’s with mixed emotions that I write this. Things are just not panning out like I had hoped, planned for and dreamed of. For whatever reason, and the Lords knows why, this child is not meant to be born at home. I am now in my 43rd week and nothing has happened. Adam and I were going to meet with the midwife today (Thursday) and if things hadn’t of changed, we would consult a doctor. Adam and I got to thinking that there wasn’t much sense in waiting 24 hours or so to call the doctor. So we went in to see one yesterday and it turns out that I have dilated ½ a cm since 38 weeks (which is the last time I was checked internally). And that I was 50% effaced, but not because my cervix has been labored on. More likely because I have had children before. Which means all these contractions that I’ve been having off and on for the past 4 weeks have been doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, not very encouraging.
We then proceeded to have a biophysical profile (ultrasound) to check on the amniotic fluid. The movements on the baby are good, we even saw her/him wiggling their big toe! At this age, they want to see the child “practice” breathing with the diaphragm moving up and down for at least 30 seconds. This didn’t happen. However, the doctor and the technician said this is not unusual and that it doesn’t mean the child can’t do it. It just mean that in that window of time they were looking for it, it didn’t happen. The fluid was another issue. On a scale of 1 – 20 (20 being the best and 6 being in the danger zone), I was at a 7. We are not there yet, but we are defiantly borderline. On we went to an NST (Non Stress Test) where the baby did okay, but not real great either. The doctor wanted to see the heart rate up at least 10 bmp above the base line when the child moved. It happened twice or three times, but that’s it. The heart rate did go up with movement, just not as high as he wanted to see. He said we barely passed that test.
I will be seeing my own doctor this afternoon, who is also on call this weekend. She is a bit more hyper about things then other doctors, including the one I saw yesterday. So Adam and I are anticipating her to want to induce me tomorrow (Friday) morning at the latest. Depending on what happens during my appointment today, it could be tonight. We have talked about it and while it’s not what we want, it is probably for the best. There are risks for a woman like me to be induced cold turkey, with nothing happening. For one thing, they can only give me pitocin, since I have a scare on my uterus and they can control the amount of pitocin that goes into my body much better than the other ways to induce labor. Yes, I’ve had pitocin before, but I have always been in labor already and it was used to speed things up. Never to start things. And there is a point where they have done all they can do, if I’m still not progressing like I should be, we are looking at a c-section. I know there are worse things that could happen, but I seriously don’t want a c-section again! If it comes down to it, and there is a medical reason to perform one, I won’t fight against it. Just like I’m not fighting against being medically induced now. However, I’m also not so young to take what the doctors say just because they said it or because I’m being pressured into something. I know how my body is with labor and if I can’t be the advocate for myself that I need to be, Adam sure will be. If there is not a medical reason for doing something, I won’t necessarily consent to it.
My midwife agrees with all that is taking place with the doctors as well. She said that if we still wanted to pursue a home birth, she wouldn’t abandon me, but she’s not real comfortable with it either. If both the doctors and the midwife are saying something needs to happen very soon, I would be quite selfish and negligent if I allowed my desires and dreams to come before the welfare of this child. And I suppose even myself. I’m not sure how long the process will take or how it will end. But the end is in sight and when I start to get sad about how things have turned out, I try and boost my spirits with that. I’m not sure if it’s working, but it’s worth a shot.
If any of you ladies have had experienced a medically induced labor, I sure would like to hear what to expect.
Hi. I'm not even sure how I first stumbled onto your blog 2 weeks ago, but I want you to know what an encouragement you've been to me to hang in here.
I was due with our 5th almost 2 weeks ago, but I have not yet delivered. This is a planned VBAC: my 4th was delivered via emergency c-section because we discovered that she had 5 categories of heart defect, causing a heart rate of 274bpm and a lot of swelling around her brain and liver (she is doing well today, by the grace of God, but obviously her birth didn't go "as planned" because of the complications). I live in a rural area at a hospital that RARELY does VBACs, but I am being given a trial of labor because I've delivered 3 babies vaginally + the c-section had nothing to do with my body but everything to do with the baby's health– AND because I'm stubborn. 🙂
Anyway, I won't bore you with lots of details, but I will say that my hopes for this birth have had to reach a compromise. I recently found out that the hospital has passed a rule that VBAC patients must deliver in the OR rather than a birthing suite. And now that I'm reaching 42 weeks (and have low amniotic fluid– 6.7 on the AFI– and the baby's heart rate is borderline low at 115bpm), my doctor is arranging to rupture my membranes early next week. He feels the baby isn't doing *so* badly that we can't wait out the weekend and let me get past 42 weeks (and possibly go into labor on my own in the next few days), but it's still disappointing to me. The hospital here won't allow the use of any synthetic hormones in VBAC patients (not even pitocin in moderation) and the closest hospital that will is several hours away, so if the rupture doesn't cause labor to kick in, I'll end up with a c-section.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I sympathize with you and understand a little bit of the feelings you're going through as you have to compromise for the sake of your baby. I'm praying for God's grace for you and me both as we work through this. I don't fully understand why I have to go through this, but I do trust that He is watching out for us. I believe that for you, too.
And I think it's very noble when a woman can give up her hopes/dreams for the sake of her children. Most induction in the US is associated with selfishness (the mom doesn't want to wait any longer) and sometimes I wonder if that's why I look so disdainfully upon it. If anything, I've learned through the past 2 years that *some* c-sections are necessary– and now I'm learning that *some* inductions are necessary, too.
Sorry to ramble. Maybe this doesn't help at all!
I am looking forward to the news of your baby's birth.
Brietta
Thank you Brietta, for leaving a bit of your story. It is encouraging to know you are " not alone" in things. I can imagine facing the prospect of another c-section, just because of the hospital's bottom line. But these types of situations are not in our control and we just have to make the best of it.
I will definitely be praying for you! I'm a firm believer in prayer, even when the answer is not what we want.
With love,
Jennifer