Okay, so perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration. Esp. if you know me, ‘cause it seems I’m always in some sort of trouble!
But it got your attention, didn’t it? 
So what kind of trouble am I in now? Well, I was cruising around where I shouldn’t have been and I learned that the house I had fallen in love with this summer is back on the market.
Do you want to see the house so you can fall in love with me so you can see what I’m talking about? Go here to see it. I’ll wait……
I know, right?! Seriously!! The “old world” charm, the wood floors, the 5 acres, the trout stream….! *sigh* There is also a detached 1 1/2 car garage that has electric to it already and there is a large circle driveway going between the house and garage. The grassed yard is large while the rest of the acreage is forest.
Did I mention there are 5 bedrooms?! While it doesn’t seem like they are as large as what we have here, they make up for it by having 1 more (we have a 4 bedroom house).
All for $15,000 less than what we owe on this house!
Here’s where it gets… impossible interesting. Unlike most people, we can’t just “up and move” (as if it was ever that easy in any circumstance). We have our business to think about. A commercial kitchen kind-of business. We can’t just close, move, and re-open a month later. We have to deliver meals every Monday – Thursday, as well as the other small functions in between. No matter what. And we can’t buy any-old house, It has to fit what we need.
And then there is the equipment. We have to have an inspected kitchen before we move anywhere at the same time we have this one. Which means we have to have 2 inspected kitchens, with 2 sets of each piece of equipment: 2 sets of ovens, 2 hoods, 2 3 base sinks, 2 walk-in coolers, 2 freezers… you get the picture. That equals a lot of money. Sure, we can sell what we have in this house later, but we still have to have the money to buy the other stuff first.
There is also the issue of having the building up to code to have a commercial kitchen in the first place (ie, electric, running water, level floors, the rafter strong enough to hold the hood, etc.). It’s not just a matter of finding a house that will fit us all (which is not an easy thing!), it also has to match for our business needs.
Did I mention that it is very important to Adam that we don’t get into more debt that what we have already? His conviction is stronger on this point that it is for me, yet I will honor it to the utmost.
If we ever do move, how would we afford 2 mortgages at the same time? We can’t. We would have to sell this one first, then purchase another one. How do we purchase another one while still having this kitchen workable? How do we turn the commercial kitchen back into a living space, sell this house, while still providing the meals needed??
It all seems impossible and hopeless, doesn’t it? It would seem much easier and simpler if we stayed where we are, wouldn’t it? The answer to both questions is: Yes.
But I truly desire more space for my children to play. I desire more privacy. I desire the possibility of expanding our business (for where we are now, we can’t). Don’t get me wrong, I love our house! God has provided what seemed like the impossible when we were able to afford it. Then grown into it. Then remodel our living room into the commercial kitchen to start our own business. This house as been a blessing! I don’t mean to disregard or be ungrateful for what the Lord has done for us through this house.
Is it wrong to want more space? Is it wrong to desire what I’ve mentioned above? Am I being greedy and ungrateful? Am I not being content for wanting something else? These are real questions that I ask myself and I’m trying to honestly answer them.
My ultimate desire is for the Lord’s will to be done. I want Him to have complete control in my life: where we go, where we live, what we do, the size of our family, how we live, how we spend our money, how we raise our children, etc. If it is His will we stay here, I will gladly do so. I will embrace that and submit to it with contentment. I mean that with all sincerity and truth!
And yet… can I truly mean that while still having this desire? How do I know what He wants?
For things to fall into place, for us to move anywhere, it would have to come from Him. The logistics of it all. The financing. The juggling. The green light to go ahead…
*sigh* I’m praying about it. That’s really all I can do. At this point, I think the only way we’ll know if this is the path the Lord wants for us is if Adam agrees to it. More realistically, if the idea comes from him. He’s not as emotional about things as I am. And he has more discernment than I do. So if the idea comes from him, if he starts the “ball rolling”, it is more likely to be from God then from him wanting to please his wife.
Would you pray for us about this? I would love to ask for prayer that it would happen! That the Lord makes a way for this house, this land, this dream, to become ours! But what I should ask for is your prayers to be for God to guide us, in whatever directions He has for us. Even if that means staying right here.
So that is what I ask. For the Lords will to be done.
Not mine.
It’s a good thing our God is in the business of the impossible, isn’t it?