I have vivid dreams. I’m not talking about silly, impossible vivid dreams. I’m talking about realistic, vivid dreams. There have been times that I’ve had a bit of a struggle to determine if something really happened or if it was a dream. I believe that God can use dreams to portray what He wants us to know. But I don’t think this is the case of 99% of dreams. They are just a way of our brain “filing away” information that we have accumulated during the day. I don’t put much stock in the dreams that I have, simply because they are just dreams.
However, there have been a few times that I’ve dreamed significantly important dreams, although I usually don’t realize just how much until later. One I remember very well was during a particularly trying time in my life, where I didn’t know which road to take. Or even who to listen too. In my dream, I was on the sea during a bad storm in a little row boat. I was close enough to shore that I was able to see my family member on it and occasionally could hear what they were saying to me. But far enough away that getting there seemed impossible. I only had one oar and if you have even been in a row boat, rowing with one oar doesn’t get you very far. At one point, a huge gust of wing came up and capsized the boat, leaving me sputtering and clinging to the sides. I was able to climb up to the top and it was at this point that I saw the sharks circling around me. I hadn’t seen them before for if I had, I knew I would have been paralyzed with fear while in the water.
The storm was making the sea rougher and rougher. The waves were crashing over me, threatening to throw me back into the water. It was at this moment that I looked up to heaven and the cloud parted. Two large hands came down from above, cupped as if to drink some water. They scooped me up, out of the danger I was in, and brought me safely to the shore, where I was warmed and greeted by my waiting family.
In the next few months, proceeding this dream, I often looked back on it and took comfort in the knowledge that my Heavenly Father was looking over me, guiding me, and always there to help. I believe that the Lord gave me this dream to help calm me and to make me see that He was there the whole time.
I had another profound dream last night. I don’t know the significance of it at the moment, if I ever will. Yet it has left me with a lasting impression that has stayed with me the entire day. I can’t shake it nor can I make any sense of it. But I have the distinct feeling that there is something in it that I need to keep with me.
In my dream, Adam and I were in a building, in a large room with many other people. In the center of this room were children of all ages, of all sizes, of all colors, and I knew that they were there waiting to be adopted into someone’s family. And we all were there to be those families. We chose a boy and a girl, in the approximate ages that would work best for our family. As we were getting ready to leave, I looked back and there was a little girl, about 2 or 3, sitting on the floor all by herself. She was a beautiful little girl, with large, dark eyes and even darker curly hair. Yet she was there all alone. Everyone else had been chosen but her. As she sat there, she lifted up her arms to everyone who passed, by only to be ignored. No one even looked down. She didn’t move, for even from where I stood I could tell that she was handicapped in her legs. Someone had put her down on that spot and walked away. I looked at Adam, for he saw her too, and he silently nodded to me. I walked towards her and as she saw me coming closer to her, she put up her arms up to me. I bent down to pick her up and as I stood up, she held on to me with such fierceness, as if to say, “Don’t even put me down!”. She immediately nestled her head into the crook of my shoulder, nuzzling up under my chin with her face pressed into my neck.* I kissed her head. She looked up at me then, with those dark sparkling eyes, put her hands on each side of my face and said, “Mama”. It was then that we went home with our 3 “new” children, even though we had only come for 2.
I’m not overly emotional. Yes, even while pregnant (although I suppose my husband might disagree with me) and I hate to cry. I usually have fairly good self control over it. But as I sit here and recount of what I dreamt, I’m shedding tears. At times to such an extent, that I can’t see the screen nor can I talk. This dream has effected me to that great of an extent. I rarely have this much of a reaction to my dreams. Oh sure, when I first wake up I might be crying. But the feeling has always dissipated by this time. And I have never had the desire to “get it out” like I have this time. This dream is special.
From an early age I have always wanted children, have always wanted to be a mother-of-many (although the number has changed and increased as I have gotten older. Once-upon-a-time, I wanted 4. Now look at me! 
). With this love of children, I have always had a special place in my heart for them. Esp. for those not wanted. I want them!! What really grips my heart about this dream, is the image of a child who desperately needs a home and who desperately needs to be loved, is being passed over and ignored. It’s the image of a child, with outstretched arms, to any one who will take the time to look, to hear, to love, to want… and no is. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Christ said that pure religion is this, “to take care of the orphans and the widows, and to keep yourself unspotted from the world”. We, as Christians, talk a lot about keeping ourselves unspotted from the world (even if the talk goes nowhere, it is at least discussed). And yet, how many talk about taking care of the orphans and widows? Not much, I’m afraid.
There are so many questions that are swirling and burning around in my head.
~To what purpose have these images gone through my mind?
~Why has this particular dream effected me so much?
~Was this dream another way of God trying to say something, or was it my mind’s way of reacting to something?
~ Is there a child out there, somewhere, who needs me?
~ Why is my heart so touched and hurting over these images?
As I sit here, 19 weeks along with our 7th child, I ponder what is this all about. I know there is more meaning to this dream then the obvious. In time, I suppose, that I will see and know more.
But until then, and even after, I have the belief that God is in control. “I know the plan that I have for you, saith the Lord…” And in that, I trust. I suppose the intensity of my emotions surrounding this dream will wane in time, yet on some level, I hope they don’t. For they are part of what it is I need to grasp.
* Interestingly enough, this is what Damaris always does when I hold her.