In my weakness He is strong

If I was any other person, who has had different experiences, I would think something is happening. Well, actually, something is happening, but I would put more stock into it than I am. You see, I started feeling really yucky yesterday. Not sick to my stomach yucky, but crampy yucky. I have been having braxton hicks for weeks now, but yesterday things felt different. I’m not sure if I’d call them contractions, but they were stronger than they have been. They were still all over the place so I was trying to ignore them. I think I have also started losing the mucous plug, but I know that it still could be several days to weeks before labor actually starts. Then the tightening spaced out (but they didn’t go away altogether) and the cramps began (cramps like when you have your cycle). ALL NIGHT! Needless to say, I did not have a good night. I’m not intending on complaining here, for I know things could have been worse or more painful. Plus, I haven’t slept well for over a week now anyway. But it was still annoying to be woken up every half hour (and yes, I looked at the clock. It was every half hour.) and know that it all probably doesn’t mean much.

My midwife will not be available this Thursday or Friday and even though she has a back up midwife just in case, I really don’t want a stranger at the birth. I’m sure the other lady is a good midwife and very competent, I just don’t know her. So I have been praying, since I learned she will not be available, that this baby doesn’t come on those days. Considering my history, we really are not running a risk of that. But now that I’m feeling so crampy, my stomach is so sore and it is painful every time this child moves, I must admit it has me wondering. I’m still not putting much stock into it, but it has me thinking and noticing things. And it has me wishing either things get happening or stop altogether.

I see my midwife tomorrow and I will talk to her about stuff. Again, I’m not putting much stock into the things I’m feeling, for I will not let my hopes up. I have a history of always “going over” and it would be best for me if I concentrate on that happening than on the slight possibility of “going early”. I’m just documenting it here because…. well because I can. :0)

I’m praying for patience and the ability to keep going with all of the things I need to do. I feel so crummy that I just want to lie down somewhere. But with the children needing tending to, the meals needing to be fixed, laundry to be done….. I don’t have that option. If you are reading this, I covet your prayers today. I really don’t want to get into that awful mental state that I have been in before around this stage in pregnancy till the end. I want to be calm, patient, having the ability to wait for the Lord’s timing. I want to do so much better than I have before, regardless of what I feel like and how the days go. That has been my prayer from the beginning. Yesterday, I was confident that I can do that. Today, that confidence is wavering.

But the Lord is with me and in my weakness He is strong. I believe that and that will carry me through.