I’m getting the “moving bug” again. I’m not wanting to move away, just move out of the city. Granted, since Crandon has less then 2,000 people, it probably wouldn’t be considered a “city”. But it’s a city to me. We have lived here for almost 6 years, 5 of those years in this house. I do love this house. It’s big and roomy, with plenty of space for all our littles. We have made the use of yard as much as possible, with making raised beds for the garden out back and swing set with a sandbox on the side of the house. We have a garage that is used for storage and a nice big porch that, when it’s not packed with stuff, I like to sit on and watch the children play.
So it’s not the house that I struggle with. It’s the proximity to the neighbors. I really am a “country girl” at heart and I desire so much to be “out in the country” where I can let me children out to play and not be worried that they are playing in the road (where it seems that no one pays attention to the fact that the speed limit is 25mph!). Where we can have animals, such as our chickens, I have always wanted a Jersey cow, where we can have an outside dog (we could have one here, but I don’t like seeing dogs tied up to a chain, having to walk them and then clean up after them to keep the neighbors yard clean. Dogs need space to run, as children do, and in town that space is just not present), perhaps raising some pigs for meat and I wouldn’t mind having a horse or two. Not to mention we could have a much larger garden, which would be nice with all the growing people we feed. Last, but not least, I would like to have the privacy I need. i love hanging out our laundry on the line, but I’m always embarrassed to hang out our underthings, for it’s not the neighbors business.
I’m truly trying to be content where the Lords has us and for most days, I succeed. But then there are some days when the desire to be out of town is so very overwhelming, it’s all I can do to push it out of my mind and not dwell on it. I know the Lord has a purpose for us, I know Adam has a “calling” and what that calling is (I’m already doing what He has called me to do), we just don’t know where exactly He wants him/us to be and what He want him/us to be doing for Him. Yes, we are doing things now for Him, but we know (at least for the most part) that the fellowship where we are at is not the one for us in the long run. It is where He has us now and we are learning. But…. it is hard. Living and believing such peculiar ideas/ways, there aren’t that many place where we can go and feel comfortable as well as agree with the majority of the churches teachings. Not that other churches are necessarily bad, it just wouldn’t be a good fit. We only know of so many places that fit what we believe we need in a church for our family and all the doors seem to be closed to those places (actually, there is a place in Iowa that we know about, but it’s not real convenient to “try it out”, if you know what I mean.) I’m sure there are other churches around the country that would “fit” as well, but we haven’t felt lead to travel around to find a church. Neither are we felt to move our family somewhere else soley because we found a church that “fits”. And yet, a church is what we are looking for.
Please pray for us. Please pray that the Lords leads us to where He wants us and that we decern what He is saying correctly. While I would be the one to make hasty, perhaps not-the-best-thought-out-plans, Adam is not. And he will not make a move or decision unless he feels the Lord is directly behind it. I know the Lord will sustain us and He will calm me in this struggle of mine. I just needed a place to vent and to put to words the feelings I have been having. I don’t doubt that He will lead us in the right direction. I’ve just never been any good at playing the waiting game (although, having 6 children, you’d think I would have learned something by now!) Perhaps that is why He has us still waiting, for we need to learn more things before He shows us His plan. I can only guess.