I enjoy having the opportunity to home school my children. I know that many people, here and in other countries, don’t have the chance/ability to do this, and so I don’t want to take this for granted. I believe that this is where the Lord wants me and I believe that the parents are the ones who should be in charge of their childrens education, not the state.
That being said, I don’t think anyone knows just how close I am to quitting. It’s not because I don’t enjoy teaching my children anymore, because I do. It’s the fighting I don’t enjoy. Every day, it’s a fight with Maacah to get her work done. I’ve tried everything I could think of to motivate and support her. She’s in 2nd grade and while I think she should be doing somethings, she can’t seem to handle them. So I have lowered my expectations. I have set the timer for her to get her work done, I sit right by her to give her the attention she seems to need, I take away privileges when she doesn’t get her work done on time, she only has 3 subjects a day – reading, math and language arts, we only do 4 days a week, because I have learned she can’t handle the 5th day, I’ve tried being consistent with our scheduling, thinking that would help…all to no avail. She fights me on everything. Every minute, every number she has to do, EVERYTHING!
I can’t keep doing this, day in and day out. I can’t keep arguing and pushing and prodding and getting irritated. It’s beginning to grow from something I love to something I hate. And I’m not exaggerating. I’m being very honest and real here. Now I don’t have a problem with Grace or with Isaac (on the occasions he does school). It’s only with her.
I will admit that we don’t have a great relationship to begin with and this certainly isn’t making things any better. In fact, it’s defiantly making things worse. When the majority of the day is spent on school, it’s hard to separate the teacher/student role from the mother/daughter role. But when the mother/daughter role isn’t very good, the teacher/student role is even worse. It doesn’t work, trust me.
What do I do? What is there left to try? I’ve tried so many things in so many ways. I know I’m the adult and my reactions are my own to deal with, so I’m not trying to throw all responsibility onto her shoulders. But I can only go so far and then I’m at the end of my rope. I am so close to tears right now and it’s breaking my heart. How many more days, months, years can I do this? When I wake up in the mornings, on school days, I know what’s going to happen. I know the wall that I’m going to have to break down once again.
I want to give up. I want to throw in the towel. I want to walk away from home schooling her for good. I want to let someone else deal with it. I’m old enough to know that the things that I want are not always (okay, usually) not good for me or good for those around me. So even though I say I want to quite, I won’t. My convictions won’t let me.
So where does that leave me? What avenue should I/we try next? My husband is wonderful at supporting me and giving me advice. He’s good at telling me the hard things that I need to hear and change. But he’s not always here. How to I get the support and reinforcement when I’m the only one here?
I feel defeated and deflated. Now what?
Hi Jennifer,
I found your blog today after following a friend’s link so I don’t know you, but I hope you don’t mind if I offer some encouragement. I’m a homeschooling mom of six also; my oldest turns 18 the day after tomorrow and my youngest is almost 5. Through the years of homeschooling I have finally learned that “getting school done” is just not what it’s about . . . and I’ve found such rest in that. I homeschool because that is the best way to disciple my children, to train them up in knowing the Lord Jesus, to have a relationship with them. How can you reach your daughter’s heart, both for the Lord and as her mom? If you don’t have that, her being the smartest person in the world won’t make any difference. Having guided my oldest two daughters through different stages of high school has led me to constantly ask “what do they really need to function as adults living for Christ?”. The answers most often deal with humility, courage, wisdom in dealing with relationships in a godly manner, servanthood, hearing God, etc..
What is going on to cause the tension? If you can focus on that and overcome those barriers in your relationship, school will not be such a big issue. Let your daughter know that she is more important than your desire to have all of her schoolwork done. That your motivation to have her do the schoolwork is for her good because your love her, not so you get what you want. Check to make sure that IS your motivation! Let her know that you’re on her side. Check out the books by Raymond Moore “Better Late Than Early” to realize that children can catch up very quickly if they need to in academic subjects. You’d be amazed at how much a homeschooled child can learn in a few weeks … sometimes more than they would learn in a year at public school.
And yes, we want our children to be obedient, but my goal is heart obedience coming out of a heart of love, desire to obey and mutual respect, not just quick outward obedience. Gaining my childrens’ hearts has taken time and is not easy. I have had to seek the Lord often for insight into my child’s heart and take a lot of time just listening. I still fail, but at least I have the right goal. And usually I’m not wielding my words and my will as weapons against my family anymore. My goals have changed, slowly, to become more like His and I’m soooo thankful. Wish I had learned all this when all of my children were young as yours are. Hope this helps. If it doesn’t encourage you in the Lord, throw it out and seek HIm! It sounds like you’re a great mom and in touch with your children and that you really care. That’s such a reflection of the Lord in you. I will pray for you and your daughter!
(Sorry, I don’t have a blog or a web page so I have to sign as anonymous.)
Love in Him,
Heather
Jennifer, I feel like I understand yaour feelings in a way and yet the situation that I am facing is differnt completely. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you dear friend!