Time to put on the brakes

These last few months have really been a trip, I tell you!

First, we have Nathaniel’s birth and everything that went along with that. He is growing and thriving in ways that the doctors cautioned us that he might never do. And I praise God for him every day! I still have not come to terms with all that has happened and I’m not sure I ever will. As things we going on, procedures were being done and decisions were being made, I was just going with the flow. Only once did I cry about what was going on. It’s not that I’m unfeeling or unable to cry. Quite the contrary. I just didn’t feel like I could let go and weep. I needed to be clear headed to understand all that was going on with Nathaniel and all that needed to be done for/on him. I needed to be strong for my children. Once they all got down to Marshfield, I didn’t have the opportunity to show, or think about, the juggling I was having to do. I hit the ground running and I’ve been running ever since.

Second, I just could not get back into the swing of school with Maacah. I don’t know why. We didn’t start anything consistently until the beginning of March and I feel so terribly guilty about that. I don’t think she’s been effected negatively from it, though. For which I praise and thank God that our situation is how and where it is.

Third, for the last 2 or 3 months, Adam and I have struggled about where God wants us. We live such a peculiar life style and have convictions about how we live that are totally on the other end of society, that it’s proving very difficult to find a place to be. We have discussed and have agreed to specific things that we feel as a family we need. Both from our environment and from our church. We are not under the impression that there is a perfect anything in this world, but we feel very strongly about certain areas which we have found lacking where we are. And we believe that this is God’s way of confirming to us that this area is not where He want us now. There is a church that is nearer to us, but they don’t have all that we are looking for. We had earlier decided that this wasn’t the church for us, but that was based on feelings. We have both recognized that we have been moved by “feelings” and not by objective reasoning. So we will give this nearer church another try and will continue there for a bit longer. I will admit, that I still do not believe that this is where God is leading us simply because of different aspects that we need as a family which are missing. But, we shall see.

There are 2 other churches that we know of to try, but we are not sure how this will work out. For one church is 3 hours away and the other is 5 hours away. How does one visit a church enough times to get a feel for it and to see if the Lord is leading us there, when they are so far away? Oh, the questions just go on and on!! But I know that our Lord is faithful and will lead us where He wants us. And we will know when we know when we know. And truly, us waiting for a few months really isn’t all that long of a wait. We know of some who have been waiting years like we are waiting ( I hope and heavily pray that it is not years for us!!). I know that while we are waiting on Him, He will perfect my faith and patience.

Lord, I lay my dreams, my hopes, my wishes at your feet. For I feel they are getting in the way of hearing from you. I want something so badly, that I’m unwilling to see or hear anything else. Lord, give us direction in the way you want us to go. Make it clear, so that we do not get it wrong. Have patience with us Lord, as we struggle along this path of uncertainty. We desire your will be done in our lives and we desire our will to be subornate to yours. Give our souls rest while we wait for you to show yourself. In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.