Okay, so I’m a bit slow. Bare with me. You’d think that I would know it by now. I don’t know how many times it’s happened, and yet, it never fails. He always comes through. He always provides. He is ever faithful. One of these days, I will get it and it will stick. I know it will.
You see, I was so worried about having my 5th child and having no help. No consistent help, that is. I truly believed that I needed time to adjust a newborn into the household “doings” (no pun intended!). And while that is true to a point, I was putting too much importance on having someone here now.
What I have finally been able to see is that the help that I thought I would need now, I needed then. And that is when I got the help. That last week of pregnancy was hard. It was so hard! And yet, that is the time that God allowed (yes, allowed!) my husband to be home and my mother to be here. I seriously don’t know how I would have handled being alone with the children if we had been on our “normal” schedule. Adam defiantly couldn’t have taken me to the hospital as many times as we went. Not to mention the emotional and spiritual support that I received from both of them throughout that whole week. There are many, many other things that happened ~ and didn’t happen! ~ because they were here with me and the children.
Once Nathaniel was born and this whirl wind began, my mother was here to watch our children. And that physical help that I thought I would so desperately need? I still received it. Just in a different form then what I thought. My mother washed our clothes and got a few things at the store before she left last Monday (and the food became very helpful for us because Adam took it down to me when he brought the children to the Ronald McDonald House.). A couple of friends of ours came on Friday and Saturday to clean our house and do some other laundry. They also made some casseroles and put them in our freezer. We have been on so many people’s prayer lists, it’s amazing!
And today? I haven’t felt this calm in quite awhile. I was nervous about today. So nervous, I started to cry last night. I was feeling so overwhelmed by everything that has happened (and has yet to happen) with Nathaniel and feeling quite lost. I was in familiar surroundings, and yet nothing was familiar. I felt like there was this huge domino effect going on and I was helpless to stop it. So I did the only thing I could do. I prayed. Every time he nursed last night, I prayed for today. I prayed for my attitude. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for stability. He answered my prayers. I still marvel at that. While I whine, complain, plead, beg, or just plain have a lack of faith, He is still there. He cares. He cares so much that in the wee hours of the morning, Nathaniel got the hic-ups. I prayed that He would take them away so that I could sleep. Within 30 seconds, the hic-ups were gone.
Things rarely, if ever, happen the way we think they will. Or happen the way we think they should. I have received the help and support that I thought I would need, in every way. But most importantly, I have received everything that I didn’t even know I needed. I don’t know what the future holds for us and for our son. I don’t know what plans he has for Nathaniel. And that’s okay. He does know all things. And our lives are in His hands. His strong, big, capable hands. And truly, that’s right where I want to be.
I sing because I’m free! For His
eye is on the sparrow, and I know
He watches me.”